After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
