I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
