just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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