Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
