I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
