My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Quick, to the slutcave!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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