i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Are we still banned from the library?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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