So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
