When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
