I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
