i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
