Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You were trust falling into bushes
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
