as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
