Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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