I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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