Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
