TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
