Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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