On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
