dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
