she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize