Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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