I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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