This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
