walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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