Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
