So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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