can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
