I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
