he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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