It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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