best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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