hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
