just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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