You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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