I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
