Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
