do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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