hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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