I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
