My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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