This beer is not sobering me up at all
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
