I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
