He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
