lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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