the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
