If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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