The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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