we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
