did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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