FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
