Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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