every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
