I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
