Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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