yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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