dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
