so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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