I was born with a shot glass in my hand
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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