She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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