I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
