Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it because I queefed?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
