Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
