I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
