We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The Olympian is in my bed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
