she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
