Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
