its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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