Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
