I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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