oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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