don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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