well I can't set my house on fire every night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
