I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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