no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
