I just cut my nipple shaving
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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