i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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