How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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