i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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