lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
