We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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