And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.