i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"