Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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